I often feel like i am walking through a barren wasteland on a daily basis. My thoughts, my womb - seem so brittle and un fertile at times. I have been planning this Goddess Elevation Retreat for a year now, it was a seed planted in my minds eye for years. My desire is never to make women feel like they need to be “fixed” or that they will “find the answer” , more that they will be reminded, they will remember.
A year ago sitting in Knead and Seed talking to Taurus, Jenn Satinsky about this idea. I went at it all full force. Capricorn friend Emma Field designed the retreat page and logo. Virgo friend Mary held me up as I was unsure the content would be greeted with open arms. I kept moving. Woman after woman signed up. My pulse seemed to be much stronger. They wanted it just as much as I did.
I know this pathway, I have walked it my whole life. I remembered the way the earth felt underneath my feet, the water at my toes, the wind in my hair of ideas. Yet this was not simple, I have told many people that I often feel like a fallen tree, around me a garden of flowers, moss, bricks, laughter - my branches still grow, far and wide. This was my biggest work to date. Pieces of my bark flaking off, others holding on for dear life, re-adhering where necessary. I do not sell a product, I am the product, I sell myself. Every single day. I sell my thoughts, my ideas, my passion. Quite literally everything I do is for everyone to see. I have been dreaming of that my whole life.
I was talking to my Cancer friend Kristen last night (rising Gemini, scorpio moon) she is finishing her debut novel, and we got on the subject of how we question ourselves on whether something we create is “good” or not. I call bullshit on that! We inherently know what we create is GOOD. Its fucking magic. What we question though, is if people will get it. Hold it. Understand it. Receive it. Resonate with it. How often do we sacrifice our art for something someone else says. It could be a simple “ shorten this up” or “ don't make them think too much” or “hmmm but what is it?”. So we begin to tear away tiny pieces of our authenticity to pay the bills, and get our name out there, to make a start. We have all done it. But what if we don't do that anymore. Can our own validation of I just did this really big fucking thing, I believe in it, I know its good…can that be enough? It is starting to be for me.
So that is my desire for everyone, every woman, every woman coming on this retreat. That if you believe in it, do it. It doesn't mean that everyone will, it may never get off the ground. But you are still completely intact. Oh and if you DONT want to do the thing, or things, or go deep. DONT. Thats the gift of this life, we don't have to do anything we don't really want to do. I used to rely on the encouragement of others to know I was doing the right thing. But now, its so apparent in my body. Not everyone will like me, love me, hear me, or get me. Thats the POINT!! What is acceptance without rejection. Its fruitless. I for one choose to bite all the juicy peaches, even the rotten ones.
Belief chokes fear out, belief gets you on that plane, belief is the jump, belief is the lattice work of people catching you, belief if your best fucking friend when you are standing in the woods shouting “CAN ANYBODY HEAR ME?!?!?”
i will sit next to you on that plane, I will cannonball off a cliff with you, I will be the strongest arm in the lattice, I will meet you in the woods. How could I be a goddess if I didn't.