How do you feel when someone says, “do this task as if this was the last time you will ever do it”. Whether that is loving, hugging, time spent with our family, all of the above. It can feel like a lot of pressure to live every moment IN THAT MOMENT. Just like when people used to say to me when Jackson was a baby “enjoy EVERY SECOND, it goes so fast”. Ok. But no.
True, it does go insanely fast. But i do not need to enjoy every second. So we know about body shaming, but what about emotion shaming. If someone says “my god im having the hardest day with the kid i just want to give up” our natural response is to say something like “its ok, it will get better, it cant be that bad OR the worst of the worst…think about the people who cant have kids and how lucky you are”. My response to all of that is. FUCK. YOU.
It is one thing to be sensitive to another’s situation but it is completely unfair to say that because someone else doesn’t have children who wants them that i cannot be feeling overwhelmed with mine. It minimizes our emotions and all it does it create and harbor intense resentment.
When I was in high school, college, early stages of motherhood I was always living in constant shame that I couldn’t just “feel better”. I was always the girl who was friends with the boys, who they leaned on to talk about the girl they really liked. Other friends who didnt have this issue, would tell me “just wait, your time will come”. Again. All true. But still, a big fuck you. It doesn’t take away the intense feeling of seclusion of just wanting to be that one thing just for a moment.
A conundrum about liking so many boys, is that its not even something worthwhile. You cant be liking a ton of boys, if no boys like you back. You cant sit there and day dream about what it will be like to get married to this dream boy, if all boys avoid you at all costs. This is not a blog about feeling bad for poor ol Juli. Its ok fam, ended up with the guy who was loving on me since I was 17.
But, what is the important take away from this, is that I spent so much of my life feeling ashamed of my emotions. I couldn’t be in the moment if I wanted to, all i could do was think about how I was feeling and how no one understood.
I recently instilled a new rule at goddess circle, that before we comment on someones share we must ask them “may i comment on your share”. Sometimes we as women just want to be held, heard, and honored. We dont need feedback. We just want validation. Other times we need someone to say “gosh, ME TOO!!!”
In the world I have dreamed up in my head, young boys and girls learn this intuitively. Or. By example from their parents. That each individual reach out and marvel in the emotions they experience every day, every hour, every minute. They can feel them, slow them down, speed them up, that all of us rely on our own body sensations as a guide to follow these emotions to their end.
Until then. Lets stay away from the “it will get better, its not that bad, and you are so lucky how can you be so sad”. Lets instead stand in solidarity with each others emotions. Allow them to come up, and then help them work through them. Do this practice as if its the last time you will ever feel anger, sadness, joy…ever again. Like, this will be the last time you ever see this person, so how could you do anything else besides honor them.