from afar

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Pisces season flew by this year, in fact there were days i did not want it to end. The healing waters, the depth, the magic. all things i crave to create and live inside every single day. Retreat planning, candle making, goddess ascension. pure beauty. 

 

We were pushed into Aries season, mars moved into Capricorn, mercury went retrograde. Nothing has been slow. Its been so much of “hold your tongue” “watch your words”, i am often scared to speak at all. That is just not the way, or any way to live. 

 

The divine has gifted me with firm plantings of friends in life, honest, raw, driven, difficult, deep, all encompassing, powerful friendships. ah. at long last. Twelve year old Juli sits on the steps of the municipal building in town swinging her feet, snapping her gum, lifting her arms in victory. we made it. in pieces, but, still very much solid. 

 

Lately though, I have had to opportunity to connect with my friends, one on one. What a gift. It was two ships passing in the night, and now it is fireworks colliding in the sky. 

 

I was conditioned most of my life to think and believe that you cant be so..open with your feelings towards friends. reign it in, lock it up. So i am always hesitant to say to my friends how much they mean to me, how they blow me away, how much i completely and wholly love them.

 

Relationships don't evaporate because of one incident, one disagreement, it's hundreds of collisions, deposited little by little over time.  Punches, harsh words, cold shoulders, most you don’t even notice and then all of a sudden you are alone in the woods unsure of how you got there.

 

Remember middle school dances, the segregation corners of boys and girls. Or seeing something you want in a window over and over. You just learn to love things from afar. So big shocker, that Im over here rocking the boat. Im noticing the more time I take to listen, engage, give heart hugs, and slow down to hear my friends… that it not only amplifies our friendship but, it also elevates me. its this give and take without even knowing its happening. 

 

simple concept eh? yea but we all are busy, we have lives, families, jobs, my son just pooped his pants, and i got a flat tire. feel me? Thing is i am not adding anything into my schedule that isn’t already there, i am just choosing to be so present that wherever i am, i am so fully there, nothing could grab my attention away. 

 

 Most of us have heard be here now. but have you really heard or experienced the rewards of actually doing it? I mean. life changing. friendships, marriage, my relationship with my son, especially work. Everything is just opening up, because of a conscious choice I made. it empowers me, it makes me feel inspired, it leaves me wanting more and more of it. 

 

How could I have been missing out on something as simple as this for so long? I will never go back. There are some things I don't think i will ever know the answer to, not meant to i surmise. i do believe we are meant to know this, and feel this. from afar, to encompassing.