Aquarius season tends to be one of massive heartbreak for me. This year was no different. it began heavenly, as if almost to remind me how bright and hot the light can be, only to have a dark blanket thrown over the sun. I lost a friend, woman, warrior, in a tragic car accident. She was an Aquarius. a woman who stood and fought for everything she believed in, a bright light snuffed out entirely too soon. I vowed to be better, even in my doing nothing.
It is the five year anniversary of my aunt’s death, who was also an aquarius. she taught me that rebellion was necessary, okay, right. begged me to be different, and be proud of that. she was a powerful witch, which whom i will always look up to for guidance, and direction. i vow to be better, even if no one likes it.
It is the four year anniversary of jackson vaccine injury, wednesday he gave a performance at school and spoke so clearly, he was so sure of himself. but if you asked me to pull up the emotions from the fated day where i thought all was lost, i could literally hold the pain in my hand like a bag of thorns. i vow to be better, even if my health and body fails me.
currently i am processing, trying to, the physical detachment of a friend. a woman, a goddess, a sister, a queen, who well, is moving. seems like quite the silly thing to be worked up about. she though is not just any woman. four years ago she appeared. She appeared there like an unyielding east end breeze, the sort that could collapse a man to his knees, harden his tears to his cheek, and hinder his mind with rain.
i hold nothing in my twelfth house in my natal chart, i just don’t get closure even when i do get it. the divine sent her into my life so why is she testing me now? have i not given enough? ah. but all those reasons are about me. me. it is not about me. it is about her. her life, her family. our sisterhood is so intertwined its hard to see the separation at times. fear based worry, is just that, a distraction. she has taught me, no, reminded me that the divine is alive and well. she has intended, manifested, alchemized everything in her life. i guess i just don’t want to stop watching the growth. she is not like anyone else.
You may have the same ambition to prevail, and make something magnificent, just the same as the person next to you. But it was she, the person with the appropriate attitude who actually did. her, the person who got what she wanted and needed because she saw it in front of her eyes, held it in her hands. her, who trusted in herself, and her work. All the others, well, they will get left behind. She refused to get left behind because of her thoughts. Do I want to get left behind because mine? I certainly do not. i vow to be better, even if i lost it all tomorrow.
this season, was made brighter because of her, we created a magical event. we have four more projects on the books. she is the soil that i place my feet upon everyday, she is the woman who has showed me what endings really mean. beginnings. i vow to be better, and learn more everyday. i vow to be better, even when i cant.
this one is for you.