Such a theme of my life, the sway, the ebb and flow, the pendelum swing. I suppose it is one of every person on this earth walk journey experiences though. In just six short hours I will be on my way to Italy on a spiritual, seductive retreat. In comes the pendelum, or is it the doubt? Should I really be going? It is part work so it's fine. But Jackson. But Knead and Seed. But. But. BUT.
This trip is a necessity for me, so myself like others I know, need a reset every once and awhile, for me its twice a year. I go to Tulum and learn more about astrology (this year ill be TEACHING medical astrology SAY WHAAAAATT???? heart beats super fast just thinking about it) and also once with Kitty Cavalier, who is not only my dear dear friend but my spirtual compass. She is such a crucial part of my reset.
I spent the whole summer nursing, cleaning, cleansing, creating, loving, crying, adoring over this new baby, Knead and Seed. Running bi weekly circles, being a spirtual compass, massage therapist and astrologer while to some may think sounds like the most zen job in the world, and they would be right, it is also incredibly draining. I love every single second of it, but true to form once a air season comes along my creativity comes to a massive hault. As someone with very little air in her chart a trip to the Tuscany hillside is just what I need. I need to be high up on a mountain, allowing the fresh air to fill me up before we descend into the intense murky Scorpio season. The month before my birthday I always tend to feel this way, I yearn for rest, cozy books and just plain old cuddle time. But then it hits me like a ton of bricks and I am ready to work again, its such a great way to end my year and kick off my Solar Return in November.
Last fall and winter was a very tumultouous time in my life, the ebb and flow were more like low tide or tsunami, I was in I was out, I was starting new I was bringing in old. But then, on the Scorpio full moon, I let it all go. No no you don't get it. I let ALL OF IT GO. I was so liberated, I cried for three hours with Kitty, we gave thanks to the moon and sat under it until we had to shut our tired eyes.
At the start of every new year I write a list of intentions, and the month before my year is up I look at them and sometimes have a big hearty chuckle at the nonsense, or rejoice at the triumphs, or simply write the same thing down again - knowing this is where I need to put more work in.
This year will be no different. October 15th I will open the box, I will read each one with care and love and begin to formulate what I want to see for myself in the next year. My saturn return is (finally) over, and while I am so ready for her to get her cold dark restriction off of me, I also bow to her for every single lesson she taught me these past three years. What a true gift, hard, sweaty, gross, crawling through the mud lessons but a gift they were.
Last night after I got home I decided to mirror gaze, an exercise I have my clients do, where we look at ourselves and quiet our inner critic, we may say something like "I normally would say I hate the wrinkles around my mouth because they make me look older than I am but today, TODAY I see it means that I have lived a life full of laughter and joy". So. I walked over to my full length mirror and immediately thought, crap I usually do a hand mirror but fuck it. Here we go. You want growth Juli lets see it baby. And to my surprise I smiled, and thought, ok ok ok girl, Im digging it. I like everything Im seeing here, not too much to complain about. I looked deeply into my own eyes (my absolute favorite quality about myself, seriously look into my eyes you wont be disappointed) and said outloud "whoa" , those puppies were tired. Not just like I hadnt been sleeping tired, which was also true, but they didnt have the depth they usually do. THAT PENDELUM SWUNG!! I had no doubt in my mind, there was no more back and forth. I need this. To continue to do what I do, I need this trip. But then I looked harder and said they are drained because of all the magical work I have been doing, all of the work I am so very proud of. They are tired today, but tomorrow they will be wide open in Rome, ready to capture anything and everything to inspire my soul. For my tired eyes tell the story of who I am, so many stories of where I have been, and how I got here, how I broke all the rules, how I want you all to know who I really am.
So I thank the pendelum, the back and forth, the sway and know one of the intentions I will set forth for my new year in November will be to trust my third eye more, more than I already do. Not allow myself to feel as though there is a box I need to fit into, and to continue to tell this story of spirtual awakening in hopes others follow suit.
With all the light I can hold,