Just

Just. As an adjective this word can mean that you are guided by truth and fairness. Something has been done or made according to principle, or based on a right. For example I hope that I can be just in meeting every woman where she is, no matter how difficult her situation is.  As an adverb however this word can mean by a narrow margin, or only, or barely. For example, these jeans are just a little too tight, I just wasn’t what they were looking for, or, my all time favorite she is just a woman. 

 

WELL. I actually really love this word. Words in general tend to be something that capture my heart, how you can play with them, twist them to fit your every need and whim. They play this coy game and then with a clap of the hands the word can elevate or tear down something or someone. So, it can be a bit tricky to navigate. Just. In particular is a word I either steer directly into or do my very best to avoid. It can make you the neglect all the good things in your life, keep you from even desiring them. It is a word that in the past has brought me such misery, but  I choose to take this word back, make it mine. Im just going to.. wear whatever the fuck I want. I’m just going to be exactly who I am today and in every moment i can. Im just going to show everyone exactly what it is I do and not be worried that its not enough. Clapping the word like a magician, making it come to life in the way I feel it was always intended to be used. 

 

While I believe whole heartedly in past and future lives, most of us cant remember a thing about them. So this is it, this is my one chance to be, just me. This is my one chance to fly in and find the good things and just do anything and everything that crosses my path. This word has made me as a human woman alter my actions over time as I have begun to process things inside my soul and realize that what I have been doing tramples on what I hold most dear, and what I need for my highest good. 

 

I am now fully exposed whether I like it or not. The satin veil that once covered my fragile eyes is long gone. Do you ever find it interesting that when you become the most you have ever been people want to protect you more? Least that has been my experience. While i know I have much more waking up to do, should I choose, which of course i do - sign me the fuck up for that - but I find the more clearer I get the more I shout my truth and reality to the people they want to make sure “ i am alright” , like figuring out my destiny is some kind of sickness we need a cure for. We should all be this mass of female clones that has nothing special to offer the world. When it reality there is no comparison that can even be made with one woman to another. We are all JUST the way we are supposed to be. 

 

At the virgo new moon circle, right before I went on a spiritual quest in Italy, I did a ritual where we all talked about female role models in our lives. To honor them in a way. I prefaced this by asking the women to not say the words “and I wish I was like that” or “if only I had some of her in me”. Needless to say, we were not very successful. The take away from this is that if I change who I am and add a dash of say Sia to my home made recipe my mother worked so goddam hard to make , than I would not longer be me. Any woman who may have looked up to me, or turned to me for certain qualities.. poof. Gone. Bye bye Juli Everett, I wouldn’t be me. All that would be gone, and for what? I may be able to sing the shit out of some songs, maybe I could write better, or be more mysterious like Sia. But. I wouldn’t be me anymore thats for sure. So i say, I am JUST me, you are JUST you, and that is JUST perfect.