I had a vision of how this life would be, everything rolling on and on like a river, so peaceful wild and free. My life has taken me in so many interesting places, the old me would be so hung up on that many a times I jumped out of the river at points that led me to some scary places, but also to some incredible places. Now I know not everything in my life is astrologically based, because yes the planets effect us but it is still my physical body that puts me in places.
It has always however brought me to love. Love has lifted the veil of darkness that has often been over my eyes no matter how much I tried to pry it off my head. Intimate relationships, friendships, the love for my son, but most importantly the love I speak of is the love I have for myself. This love has always brought me back to myself. This journey has never been easy, but over time has been one I have come to really truly enjoy. I relish in the fact that I can look at myself five years ago and see and feel the growth, shit even from last week! I came home from Italy, which was life changing of course, and looked at myself in the mirror and saw a different Juli. She was so present, proud, and ready. Ready to show up for myself again, ready to help other women show up for themselves too.
I was speaking with two female clients this morning and I informed them it wasnt just THEIR responsibility to teach their daughters the goddess lifestyle, but mine too. It wasnt just on them to show their sons how to greet others with compassion and fairness but it was also on me. I mean this from the front, back, and every corner of my heart. Sometimes when I have moments like this I catch the fifteen year old Juli out of the corner of my eye, looking at me in awe. Its like she is here with me, reminding me, we did it. We made it. It may be small now but we are making this goddess community in OUR hometown. It is not just me, yes I may have the space, I may have got those wheels turning, but is every women who steps into this space, who comes to the circles who make this all possible.
There are so many things I love and still cherish about my fifteen year old self. She was wild, even when it wasn't appropriate, she loved so hard, she went along with things that didnt speak to her soul to only spit them back out in the face of those who told her she would never be accepted. Slowly some things faded, the anger turned to compassion, the fear turned to strength, she kept her big hips which would birth a ten and half pound baby. She kept her heart in the underworld and her eyes to the constellations. She kept coming back to herself.
Since I am a human woman, I still slip, I backslide, I do things I am not proud of. However it is so much easier for me to come back to me now than ever before. The veil still appears on my head now and again, but love always always always helps me see the way back...to me. So this is a finale of sorts. A swan song, a moment of crowning glory for me. I know I will backslide but i finally feel for the first time in my life, that the old Juli has bowed out gracefully, I throw flowers at her feet. Standing ovation for you my sweet, but i bid you adue.